22 Sivan 5779 / Tuesday, June 25, 2019 | Torah Reading: Korach
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Why Men Don’t Respect Women    

Why Men Don’t Respect Women

They suddenly find themselves in their mid-30’s, single, and desperate to marry and start a family before it’s too late. And many times, unfortunately, it is too late…


Women are strong, independent, and able to handle a whole lot. It’s not easy.


Yet, we still find that women, especially single women, are not necessarily more respected by the men in their lives.


While men may seem to generally have more respect for women these days, many men don’t respect women on an individual level. Yes, women have more social and legal rights, which is great. They’re making more money in the workforce yet are still tragically underpaid at home.


Many women write to me and ask me why their boyfriends won’t marry them, or they can’t find the right guy, or they thought they found the right guy - until they were intimate with him.


And then he was suddenly abducted by aliens. Or he disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle. Or he mistakenly fell into a wormhole while looking for shoes in his closet.


Unfortunately, I have to be the bad guy/girl/none of the above and give these ladies a dose of reality.


Womenz! You wanna know why yo’ man be disrespectin’?


It’s because you don’t respect yourself!


In my opinion, modesty has less to do with how you dress and more to do with how you behave.


If you’re modest on the inside, it will naturally show on the outside. You will tend to be more reserved when speaking with men, and you will naturally want to cover up your body more.


If you’re not modest on the inside, it will naturally show up in your behavior. You will tend to be more flirtatious, show off your body in order to get others to look at you, and you might have many short-term intimate relationships with guys.


Seriously, is that more p.c. than saying you’re prone to having one-night stands?


On a scale of 1-10, how angry are you right now?




Listen up, ladies. I’m about to give you the secret to getting any and all men to respect you, free of charge. Unless you feel compelled to pay me, and I’ll happily oblige with my PayPal info.


You want to know how to get a man to respect you?


You’ve got to respect yourself.


What does it mean to respect yourself?


It isn’t just about being a strong feminist who can do it all and then some. It’s about learning to put up boundaries that will command respect from others.


If you walk around half-naked, hair disheveled, no makeup or too much makeup, and just not well put-together, I’m sorry to say you don’t look very respectable.


If you walk around in a nice blouse, dress, or any kind of classy outfit, your hair’s nicely done, and you’re wearing just the right amount of makeup, and you’ve got nice shoes on, you look like a lady.


Classy ladies don’t just dress classy. They act classy.


They don’t let a man just hit them up fo’ they digits. They’d never even speak with a guy who talks like that. They don’t give in on the first (second, or third) date. They have a certain air of confidence and grace.


These kinds of classy women are hard to disrespect. They command respect simply by being who they are.


But society doesn’t glorify this woman. Instead they glorify the girl who isn’t afraid to sleep with a different guy every night, get drunk every night, and live her life without any clue if she’ll ever get married and have children.


What do you think happens to girls like these?


They suddenly find themselves in their mid-’30’s, single, and desperate to marry and start a family before it’s too late.


And many times, unfortunately, it is too late.


Why? Because they’ve wasted all of their youth with guys who didn’t respect them… Because they didn’t respect themselves.


Don’t believe me?


Try this experiment. When you’re walking to work, or in the mall, pay close attention to the people around you. Try to spot the one or two people who are dressed in elegant pants, suits, whatever. Pay attention to your immediate reaction.


You may notice that you will have a kind of reverence for the way they look.


As much as we may try to deny it, it’s human nature to treat a well-dressed and good-looking person with more respect.


We automatically tend to view these people as more successful and we assume they have more refined character traits.


Now pay attention to your reaction when you see a girl walk by in ripped short shorts and a frumpy tank top, with her hair in a messy bun or loose and out of control. Oh, and she’s wearing flip-flops. Of course.


How much respect does she command from you? Do you look at her with any kind of awe or reverence?


Like it or not, that’s just the way we humans are.


So we have to play by these rules if we want to get ahead.


Ladies, if you want a man to respect you, here are four things you should do:


First: Dress appropriately! Get some skirts with normal hemlines and shirts that actually cover up a little (or a lot of) cleavage. I know that I wrote that modesty comes from the inside out, but in this case, your inside could use a little jump start. You’ll see that by dressing more modestly, you’ll immediately start to feel and act differently.


Second: DON’T MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!! I can’t emphasize enough how wrong this is. It may sound archaic, but men like to chase women, especially women that are hard to get. They like a challenge, as I wrote in my article, What Men Want. You may think it’s liberating to go up to a guy and tell him you like him, but it’s not. It cheapens your value in his eyes.


Third: Be more selective of who you date. Pay attention to the way they dress and speak. Pay attention to minor details, like if he chews with his mouth closed and actually listens to what you have to say. More importantly, how does he carry himself? Like a bro or a man?


Fourth: For G-d’s sake, don’t let the guy take advantage of you! In other words, don’t give him what he wants! For example, don’t be a cheap date! What I’m trying to say is: RESPECT YOUR BODY!


Ladies, can I be any clearer?


I know you don’t want to hear this, and you’ll probably find a million reasons to resist what I’m saying. But the fact is I’ve been around, and I know what’s going on. I know how guys think, too well, in fact. Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually a guy.


You are not some cheap trashy piece of meat to be passed around from one guy to the next. What do you expect, that one day you’ll find your Prince Charming and he’ll be perfect?


Why would you expect such a guy, if you can’t be a girl on his level? Would Prince Charming date a Hooter’s waitress? Or would he date a princess?


What do you think is going to happen when you decide to get married? That magically, you will somehow attract a guy different than the type of guy you’ve been attracting all along?


Based on what?


What about you will be different that you can expect to attract a different guy?


The truth is, unless you change who you are, you’ll never change the type of guy you keep ending up with. It’s no mystery. Stop wondering why you keep attracting the wrong guy. It’s because you’re behaving like the wrong girl!




If you’re serious about being a true feminist, a strong woman who doesn’t take #(@& from anyone, then you’ve got to R-E-S-P-E-C-T. YOURSELF.


Don’t give yourself away to every guy who acts interested.


Because when you finally meet the guy who’s worth your interest, your love, and your life, you want to make sure you’re the girl who’s worth his.


There. I’m done now.


Hope you still like me after having read this.


If you’d like to read more, I recommend Women’s Wisdom, Rav Arush’s guide to being a respectable, dignified woman.



* * *

Feel free to send Racheli your questions, particularly in the areas of marriage, dating, child-rearing and women's role; write her at racheli@breslev.co.il

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